saffyre_faery

I have decided that baby blue is the theme for now in honor of Tristan. We'll see how long I can deal with bubble-gum-colors... Not usually my thing, but Mommy-mode has me feeling the need! Hmmm... very odd...


And in other news... The orthopedic specialist that we talked to in California thinks that the cartilage in Robert's wrist is shredded and that the bone has possibly detached from the joint. He also feels that it is the previous doctor's fault. The really bad news in this situation is that we have to keep looking for a doctor because the one we were talking to in California is a shoulder specialist. We need a wrist specialist. We're going to keep looking for one closer to us here, but if we can't find one Dr. Song in California is going to refer us to one at USC. At least we know they'll be good there, and we'll have one who will stand up for us in a malpractice suit. But I really hope we can find one here. And if we don't find one soon he could permanently lose use of his right hand.

Ok, so I finally decided to post something again, not that it will be very long. I'm stuck at freakin' work for the I don't know what day in a row. I'm exhausted!!! My whole body feels like someone ran over it with a Mack truck! I'm having a lot of back pain today, which is something new. And it's not just in my back, it's all the way down my hip and right butt cheek. Oh, and this dreary weather is not helping! I think we've had two whole days of sunshine in a damn month! I finally have an assistant but she's off today and not completely trained yet so I can't even take advantage of this rainy day and crawl back into bed and hide under the covers for a day. Did I mention I'm just overly cranky? But on the plus side I start my weekly appointments now and she starts doing pelvic exams (not thrilled about pelvic exams but it means we're close, so I guess I can deal) and my maternity leave is not far away! YAY!!! At least then I know I'll get a day off. Yep, complaining seems to be the theme of the day! So I guess I've complained enough for today. I'm going to close for now and hopefully I'll have something positive to write in a day or two.

I guess I need to change my ticker, I'm further along than we originally thought. Just in case I hadn't said before, they changed my due date to November 19th instead of the 26th.

Ok, so due to exhaustion and being overworked my posting has been a little lax. Ok, a lot lax. I'm just so tired all the time. When I get home from work all I have the energy for is eating whatever Robert fixes for me and sleeping. Today is the frirst day I think I'm going to get off in weeks. And I'm not sure about today. I haven't heard from my assistant to know for sure that she's going to work. I really hope so, I need the time off. Pregnancy wise I'm doing fine. My medicaid is approved so I can go to the doctor finally. I'm calling tomorrow to make my appointment. And I'm finally getting to go to the eye doctor. I have an appointment for Tuesday. Things are finally starting to look better. I'm not feeling as sick. Eating is getting easier as long as I don't try to eat anything greasy or any beef.

Well, I guess I'm going to go. I need to shower just in case I have to go to work today. Just thought I should update. Now that Nichole is coming back to work I should have the energy to update more often.

Love you hon!



PS.  Hang in there, it's almost over!  You'll be back in Mass before you know it!

Ok, so food is getting easier to digest, finally. But I still inevitably puke every morning and then periodically throughout the day. Still no medicaid or word from them so still no doctor. That's probably the worst part, I want a doctor so we can keep an eye on everything and know more of how I'm doing. My Crohn's is pretty calm most of the time, but I am noticing a few more symptoms of it than normal.

Work has been chaos. We had a dead body in one of our apartments. She had been there for 24 to 36 hours and had her heat on 80. I didn't go in but even being outside the smell was too much for my pregnant self. I'm still not dealing with that whole situation very well. Otherwise I'm a very happy, if very tired and sick, Krista. Miss my best friend lots and lots. Love you!

So, Robert and I are still getting along, food still sucks and my freakin boobs hurt. Not much else to report. Sorry it's short, just wanted to leave a few lines before I went to bed. I can finally eat cereal though. And still ok with fruit. Today I'm scheduled to be down to 6 cigarettes. Did good, had 7. Tomorrow will stick with the scheduled five. Anyway, love you lots!

Krista

So, I'm going to try to keep a frequent posting of things going on in my pregnancy and how I'm feeling. Still exhausted. One cigarette today and I've been up about 3 1/2 hours so not to bad. Slightly wanting one now, but only because I'm thinking about it. I added a ticker to the bottom of my entries but I'm not sure it's going to work cause I don't know how all this HTML crap works. Wish I did, then I could make my stuff all pretty. Blah! Anyway, morning sickness not too bad today, but all I'm drinking is a little grape juice. Going to go make some ginger tea shortly. I'm hungry, not sure about eating though. It never seems to turn out good. And I'm tired of crackers.

Tonight we're telling Robert's parents and he's telling Laura. Should be amusing. His mom is great but she's going to make me crazy with hovering over me. Robert is already crazy-over-protective. They're not going to let me do anything on my own.

Ugh... I can't stop yawning. I hate being this tired. And I can't seem to focus on one thought for long. I feel like I'm jumping all over the place. But... I'm allowed, I'm having a baby!!! :D I can't seem to get rid of this perma-grin. Anyway, guess I'll go for now. There's today's update.

Hugs and love.

Krista
and baby

Finally, new pics! Some of me, Maci, Deke, Libby and a few odds and ends.

( See them here! )Mommy's Miss Maci!

 A rare pic of Robert and I together.

Deke looks like such a meanie!

Miss Maci being cute!

Deke loves his Mommy!

Shasta stole his sock then bit him when he tried to get it back.

And she wants to play again. He's not so sure!

Maci's golf ball. She stares...

And it gets the best of her... she gives up!

Beautiful girl but what's with that hair?

Libby is about to kick his butt! She's so sweet!

If only they were this sweet all the time, like when they're awake.

See, I love my Sissy sometimes! :)

Well, unless you consider Lindsay getting a divorce new news. But that will have to be covered in detail at a later date. I really just wanted to say HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Love,
Krista

P.S. As I live on a golf course I can really appreciate my userpic. :)

So, the jackass still hasn't called but I'm doing better now. I guess the shock of seeing him again has finally worn off. Ugh... Not to mention I'm so freaking busy at work that I don't have time to think of anything else and by the time I get home I'm so freaking tired I just want to curl up and go to sleep. And I'm going to blow up the damn XBox. That's all Robert has been doing since he got home at about 5 and frankly I'm sick of it! Blah. Anyway, enough bitching for one night. I'm going to go find food. I'm starving, Just wanted to let you know I'm better now.

I'll post more once I get them transfered from my phone to the computer.

So, I start my new job on Monday and move all weekend!! I'm so excited I can't see straight and I'm sooooo sick of waiting to talk to my best friend. But, I guess since it has been almost a year without her husband I can forgive!! ;) As for the new job, I will be the new assistant manager for Lost Springs Apartments. We're moving from a 1 bedroom to a 2 bedroom with about 400 more square feet. I can't wait!!! The pay sucks, but hey, I'm only an assistant. And my new boss is the best. She's sooo funny and we will get along great. I have to be at a meeting at 10:00 tomorrow morning and I get to meet the big boss. Yay! (Insert sarcasm here!) And, oh darn, I have to buy new "professional" clothes!! Damn the bad luck, I get to go clothes shopping. This is the best career step I've made so far and I feel really good about it. And she's training me to be a manager so about this time next year I should have my own complex to run. We may have to move to Fayetteville or somewhere else in NW Arkansas, but it will be worth it. So... going back to school may be on hold or, if this goes well enough, no longer necessary but I'll be in a career I'll enjoy.

Robert sold his first car Saturday. He's bouncing off the walls happy and I'm ecstatic for him. He's got three appointments tomorrow and all look great for a sale. Things are finally starting to look up for us. It really is a nice change.

Noelle is talking very seriously about moving to Arkansas. And guess where she want's to live... in the complex I'm going to be working at. I'll get to see my nephew all the time!!! YAY! I really hope she goes through with it.

Now if I could just get my best friend to call me I'd tell her great news that's just for her... Hmmmm.... Someday! *sigh* but I guess I'll let it slide for now so she can see her husband. ;)

And now I'm off to try to find supper. That should be interesting....

Oh, one more thing... I was looking for unique rings last night (I was REALLY bored and have been thinking a lot about engagement rings) and I found this...

http://www.krikawa.com/rings/engagement-rings/mokume-engagement-rings.htm

I WANT IT!!!!

( formerly me )<img

Here you go, pictures as promised! Lazy bum! ;)

( see more )

I'm working on getting new pictures added to LJ. They're up on myspace. LJ is tomorrow nite. Now I'm off to bed for a double tomorrow. Nite Nite!

( See More Libby and Deke )

 

Cut and paste, post score in header. Supposedly if you've seen over 70, you have no life.

So, it seems I work all the fucking time!!!! I'm tired because when I'm not working I'm shopping for Halloween costume stuff! UGH!!! Now we all know how much I love to shop but not when NOTHING fits my enormous chest. I'm so sick of having to get a xx to get my chest contained. Yeah, I'm bitchy tonight. Robert is still wonderful. He's been really sweet, almost too much. We get along really well now and it honestly doesn't seem to be wearing off. Now that being said he's probably going to turn into a complete jackass in a day or two because I jinxed it. But oh well. We have a Halloween party Saturday night and one Halloween night. We're going as a Japanese Mafia couple. I get to dress up and make my hair all kinds of funky!! YAY!! I can't wait. I'll make sure to post pictures so you can see. Well, if I ever find a costume. It's really not looking likely at this point. UGH!! Damn D-cups. But it's off to be for me for now. HUGS!!

This is my song and one I think everyone would be good to strive for. It's a Reba McEntire song that is my favorite of all time

I'm A Survivor


I was born three months to early
the doctor gave me thirty days
But I must've had my mama's will
And Gods amazing grace

I guess I'll keep on livin
Even if this loves to die for
Cause your bags are packed and I aint cryin
Youre walking out and Im not trying
To change your mind cause I was born to be

Chorus:
The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up,but shes just
too hard headed!
A single mom who works two jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands and a heart of a fighter
Im a survivor

I dont believe in self pity
It only brings you down
may be the queen of broken hearts
but i dont hide behind the crown
when the deck is stacked against me
I just play a diffrent game
My roots are planted in the past
and though my life is changing fast
who i am is who i wanna be

repeat chorus

A single mom who works two jobs
who loves her kids and never stops
with gentle hands and a heart of a fighter
Im a survivor

But I mustve had my mamas will
And Gods amazing grace

Well, I guess it's over. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. For the most part I guess I'm ok, I just don't know right now. It hurts that he could be that way but this really is for the best I suppose. The letter that I sent him is at the end of this. You know me, I have to have the last word, even if I have to mail it, or in this case e-mail it. I love him, I always will. I'm not angry anymore, just hurt. But, I'm stronger than I've been in years and nothing is going to take me back to where I was. I have a whole new life ahead of me and if nothing else I learned something from this... I learned that I keep choosing men who I can never truly commit to because I'm afraid of it, or at least I was. I was afraid of anything ever being real, ever being true, I was afraid of being happy with anyone because I wasn't happy with myself and how could anyone really love me when I couldn't. So... I kept choosing destructive relationships. I'm not ready for another one by any means, I know I need some time to myself to process all of the changing I've done in the last few months but at the same time I know that I now have a lot better chance at finding someone to be happy with because I'm happy without anyone. I'm happy just being me. I know now that I have friends who love me, even JP ;) and will be there no matter what. I also know that I have family who loves me, wants me to be happy and will do whatever they can to help as long as I'm willing to help myself and for the first time in years I am helping myself. No man to depend on, no man depending on me. Just me, making my way and finding the real me. I'm a survivor and nothing or no one will ever take that from me again. I cried myself to sleep, picked myself up, dusted my ass off and am ready to start a whole new day and a whole new life. So tonight I'm going to try to get a few people from work to go out and celebrate. And I'll drink a toast to the Krista everyone loves and has been missing so long. So here's to starting over. Here's to finding myself and someone that will love me for me, unconditionally, and be there for me even when the chips are down and the rest of the world seems to be falling apart. Someone who is avaliable. Someone who is real. I finally feel like my life is mine for the first time in years. It's amazing!! I honestly can't wait to start a new day, to see what it brings and where I go from here. So, if he did nothing else he gave me the ability to move on, to be all that I should have been a long time ago. He gave me back my strength, well at least helped me find it. So to him I say thank you and farewell. Now I turn the page and write the good part of my story!

Shelah darling~ He's not as bad as you think! He's just still a kid with a lot of growing up to do. When he does he'll be unstoppable, until then the only thing stopping him is him. So don't think badly of him, if for no other reason than he gave you back your best friend by helping her find herself.

Hugs and much love~
Krista